victory

Every day is a choice. Every day we have the opportunity to choose love over hate, peace over fear, strength over weakness. To love (overwhelmingly, heapingly so) our enemies, pray diligently for the lost, to give grace mercy and kindness. We can see the joy set before us or allow the dark of the moment to overshadow the Truth.


It is the opposite of easy. I am experiencing that myself this very moment. The hurt, exhaustion, frustration, may all be valid, but it is temporary. His word, His promises, His love, His victory are eternal and they are what I stand on.


I am writing this all for me not you. I need to see these words, remind myself of what I know, what I typed a few weeks ago about dealing with the dark in order to be the light. Nobody tells you that its hard, but I will tell you that you probably aren't doing much of anything where you are if its not. Resistance comes when you're making a difference. Remember, the enemy comes to steal and kill and destroy. Once you get the word in you, don't be surprised that he comes straight for it, hoping it has yet to take root. Stupid devil. Lets start recognizing the strategies of the enemy so we aren't mistaken about how to fight back. Lets start praying in advance, preparing for things to come, arming ourselves with the full power we have been given to stand in! Lets do something about the Kingdom we were given, let us fight for the souls that belong to the Lord. Let us honor our King with our lives, regardless of cost.

The Word says "for that enemy of yours, the devil, roams around like a lion roaring [in fierce hunger], seeking someone to seize upon and devour." Never have I experienced this more in my life.

BUT then I remember this "I have told you these things, so that in Me you may have [perfect] peace and confidence. In the world you have tribulation and trials and distress and frustration; but be of ...good cheer [take courage; be confident, certain, undaunted]! For I have overcome the world. [I have deprived it of power to harm you and have conquered it for you.]" AND this "Yet the Lord is faithful, and He will strengthen [you] and set you on a firm foundation and guard you from the evil [one]." 

Love is hard but its powerful. Its the perfect strategy and never loses, each and every time.

He is faithful. He is greater. He is stronger. He wears the victors crown. "His power no foe can withstand" Praise Jesus.

sticky hands

I wouldn't trade this life for anything. That seems to be the only sentence I currently can complete. I keep typing it and re-typing it hoping better words will come. My thoughts are overwhelmed with where I am, the things I used to think mattered most, and the very people that I can now not imagine my life without.


This time last year, I would have traded it all for a cheeseburger. I would have said no to the sweaty weather, the temper tantrums, spiders, chaos, and in purging that lost the little joys, little people, little sticky hands that always seem to find a way into mine. I would have missed that hug and that kiss, or that letter or that time we did homework for 4 hours, in French, when I don't speak French. I would have missed the 70 best things that ever happened to me. And even though some days it feels like the 70 loudest most insane dirtiest things, they are mine. Or better yet, I am theirs. They have me in every way, I am completely baited and hooked to their lives, past, present and future.


There are ample days where I walk to my house and wonder how in the world did I make a difference today? I should have stayed in America eating cheeseburgers. But for every day like that there is one around the corner, filled with fruit. Precious moments where a child lets you know that if you were not here, it would make a difference to them. And that sounds obvious to you, because you see my pictures and you know I am a relatively nice person and you think of course Jessica is making a difference. (Don't believe all the pictures, 5 seconds later they morph into tazmanian devils :) ) Yet oddly enough I have never felt "called" to children, never professionally studied them, really have no qualifying experience other than that one time I was one. The crazy thing I have discovered is that it so often feels reverse. There is not one child I can imagine my life without, not one little voice, personality that doesn't make a difference to me now. It sounds like a number but its my heart.


This may sound a bit melo-dramatic all laid out but I love my kids. Because they're mine. I am not a mom, I have never known THAT pain. But I ache when they hurt, I wash the Cheetos off their face, and nothing has ever sounded the way my name does on their lips. Nothing feels like the moment I pull into work and see my littlest one waiting for me, or the way he walks me to my house each night and sits at the stoop as long as he can get away with it.


So in case you are worried about me, wonder why I am here, what the heck I am doing, don't worry, I think all those things too. But it vanishes when I am with them. When the work is piling up and I am overwhelmed my answer is to swing, to play, to enjoy the lives I am here for. I could stand on a street corner and shout the name of Jesus and yell the Bible to unopened hearts and I wouldn't do as much as I did by holding them today, by listening to their stories, by kissing their foreheads, letting them know they matter, they are important, my life is forever different and better because they are in it.


Pray for my kids. Pray that they know the depths heights widths of God's love for them. That they are rooted and grounded in that love, for healing in their hearts, healing in their bodies, protection, grace and compassion to surround them. I am confident that though they may seem random, God chose each one of them to be in this home, chose each of us working with them and He has big things in store for their lives.


Today we had our monthly birthday party. My darling dear turned 4. He is our littlest one and I just cannot believe how quickly they grow. I will never again tease my mother for those public moments she became a story teller of my most embarrassing memories, younger years and how tightly she clung to them. I will never be too cool for you mom, just as I hope I never see the day that I turn the corner and I don't have at least one chubby smile waiting for me in the driveway, one sweet little hand to hold mine and walk me home.

just some happenings

First of all, sorry you cannot see the pictures from last weeks post. I will work on that though in theory I really have no technological intelligence.


This week was very busy, very crazy but still full of good things and sweet moments.


Monday I traveled to Port-au-Prince to get my permis de sejour, my one year visa to live here.


Tuesday I don't remember. Wednesday, oh Wednesday my friends Robert and Nicole came over to my house at Greta and we made pizza and cupcakes and played speed scrabble. It was so great, felt like real life.


Thursday, that was yesterday, um, oh yes my friend Kristen had her bachelorette party in Gran Gwav. I can say that is my first bachelorette party in Haiti. It was really fun and so great to spend time with some friends I had not seen in a while.


Today. Today I drove for the first time in Haiti. Oh man, I am not going to lie and pretend like it was super normal and easy. I definitely screamed a few times and wanted to pull over and quit but nevertheless I passed my driving test and will practice as much as I can. I feel like I'm 15 again and have never driven but I know by the blood of the lamb I will survive and figure it all out.


Tomorrow we will all to go Gran Gwav for my friends wedding and then I plan on sleeping and sleeping and sleeping. :)


That is all I can remember for now, I am so tired and happy to be back on base though a gecko just pooped on my pillow so there's that to deal with.


Anyways, all is well. Jesus is so good and I am more than in love with my kids. We had ice cream for valentines day so all is right with the world.


:)

my monday in pictures

Disclaimer: our internet was down for about 2 days so pardon this for being late.


Yikes today was hard. It was the kind of hard that comes naturally from being around 70 children constantly. I was sitting on my bed exhausted and a teensy bit frustrated about my day when I looked at my phone and saw some pictures I took earlier. Instant perspective. Instant reminder of how much I love my kids, how being loved by them far outweighs any mishaps, frustrations, heat, hunger, mosquitoes this life could throw at me. Here they are in chronological order...if my internet will let them load in a timely manner.








ok so this first one doesn't feel so much like a blessing....I remembered this morning that I left a diet coke in our community freezer last night during the super bowl party. MAJOR oops. Missed devotions trying to clean it up before I left for work.

this one is cute. this precious one spilt some of my drink on the floor so I handed him a cleaning wipe and showed him how to get it up. 10 seconds later I turn around and he is intently cleaning his shoes.




He was so proud.

Then I got to put this together up on the wall of our little boys room. they loved it. we named the boy monkey kevin.

After lunch photo shoot with my munchkin.

He always wants me to take his picture from the side. Im not quite sure why. Im pretty insecure about my side profile but he doesn't seem to be. (the other kids look says it all)

I'm hoping he is pretending to be a dinosaur but my instincts tell me he is just being himself.

such a great big brother.

all the toy bikes are taken. ill just ride phoebe. don't worry, I saved the cat before any harm was done.

and then jesus.

and this face for the win....