light in the dark

Once more Jesus addressed the crowd. He said, I am the Light of the world. He who follows Me will not be walking in the dark, but will have the Light which is Life. John 8:12

 

There is this song we sing at church, In Jesus Name, by Darlene Z… however you spell her last name. The climax of the song goes like this “God is fighting for us, pushing back the darkness, lighting up the kingdom that cannot be shaken. In the name of Jesus, enemy’s defeated, and we will shout it out, shout it out.” I am a huge fan of this song, not necessarily how high I have to sing when we do it but the message behind it. I caught it the first time we practiced it and the revelation has stayed with me. I sing it in my head or out loud at least once a day here and its words have carried so much power for me.  Today I came face to face with the reality of those words, the reality of darkness. We like to sing songs like this because it promises light and Jesus and power but I guess I never really thought about what happens when I’m in the dark. I was singing this from my lit up world where the people I surrounded myself with knew Jesus and believed what I did.  I sang it this morning in a place where light was dim, where it seemed as though maybe the darkness would win. It’s strange. We know it, we are told about it by Jesus himself, that we are the salt and the light, a city on a hill. Yet often times I find my own heart shying away from the darkness. After all, how could one little light like myself really make much of a difference? I am just one light, and though I am not the only one here, I still feel out numbered.

I was talking to the Lord about this today, asking him why certain things happen the way they do, hurt, suffering, why the people I see every day have so much pain, or hatred or darkness. I came to a place in my time with him where my humanity became ever so real. I so long and pray to be used and sent and world changing. And it’s sincere. Sometimes I think I forget though that light can’t stay in lit places. That I shouldn’t be surprised when I encounter the darkness.  And we sing about being light and being bright and never take into account the darkness we must face. It’s not easy. Darkness seems to prevail, it seems to be bigger and greater. But I am here to remind you and myself that it isn’t. And the bottom basic mere line here is that I was not called to shy away from it. To be the light you have to deal with the dark. We want to be the light from a distance but it doesn’t work that way. A candle lights up exactly what is surrounding it. I cant put a candle in one room and expect it to show me anything in another. God has put me smack dab in the dark. My flesh, the Jessica in me wants to panic, get overwhelmed, frustrated, fearful and yet the God in me says remember “God is fighting for you, pushing back the darkness, lighting up a kingdom that CANNOT be shaken. In the name of Jesus, enemy’s defeated, and I WILL shout it out.”

Today is bizarre, stretching beyond what I thought I was prepared to bear. BUT I am not on my own, after all I am not the light because of anything I am. I am the light because of the light in me, the light of the world, the hope of this world. He is in me and he is shining, through crappy situations that make me want to scream and run the other direction. He shines through my words, my actions, my silence when I could speak, my mercy and my humility. Realities like this are hard. They force us out of comfortable places, causing us to evaluate what is really in our hearts. Its always easier to stay where you blend in, its always easier to stay where there is light, always.  But God has asked of us otherwise. He has commanded us to the dark places, in Boone, in North Carolina, in Haiti, every bit of everywhere. It’s a daily choice and it never FEELS easy. But his grace is abounding. And his word is full of promises. “No, despite all these things, OVERWHELMING victory is ours through Christ Jesus who loved us.” Romans 8:37. Boom. There it is. How can you even argue with a promise that solid and good. He knew the examples that would cause us to doubt it, the darkness that would hinder us from seeing it. But he knows the end, he gives the victory to us now.

I say all this to myself, to remind myself tonight that my prayers are powerful, my words carry life, and that my spirit has the same power that rose jesus from the grave. No power can stand against him. “No one after he has lighted a lamp covers it with a vessel or puts it under a [dining table] couch; but he puts it on a lampstand, that those who come in may see the light.” Luke 8:16. Jesus didn’t put his light in you so you could keep it to yourself. It’s there for others and to give him glory. Sing the song from VBS, soak up his word, and let it shine.