the beach boys

I came home from work today with every intention of blogging about my day. I was going to sacrifice the hours it takes to post more than 2 pictures, talk about my cute kiddos, relay last night's trauma as my AC broke and I found out this morning that all I had to do was push one button and I could have slept through the night, etc etc. Instead I am writing with a frustrated heart. It is one of those moments when you see a need and you are just at a loss. What you want to do, what you can do and what you should do are 3 different stories and settling for one over another doesnt feel possible.

Our beachfront base is situated right in the middle of a community called L'acul. Long story short, there are a group of boys who spend their day outside our gate on the beach. The guards know all of them, those of us who talk to them know all their names, their ages, everything we can about them. In the beginning I didn't talk to them very much. I didnt speak any creole and they seemed like a bunch of roudy pre-teens who needed something to do. I spend my entire day with kids so I hardly feel like it when I come home. Lately however I have felt a pull to talk to them. The second I get home they see my car pull up and call my name from the gate. Most evenings me and a few others go out there and talk to them, give them mangos, and goof off. Two guys in particular here are really great about spending time with them, teaching them how to fix their bikes and having movie nights on the beach. They all live close by in poor conditions. They wear ratty clothes, are dirty and usually eat because we feed them. I feel torn often because my natural inclination is to give them everything they need, clothes, food and some soap. But sometimes I struggle, wondering if that is the best thing, or how I can go beyond that and share Jesus. Each kid has a different story, different family life. Some are orphans, some are abused, all of them want attention, just want someone to talk to.

Tonight we were out there talking to them and they were all fighting about something ridiculous- just boy stuff. I was holding Joskowa- He is 6, the cutest child I have ever beheld and an orphan. I am watching these older boys influence him, tease him, provoke him, teach him gestures he should never know, force him to be an age he isnt at. I watch them transfer the same behaviors they receive from their parents to him and it makes my heart sick. Everything in me wants to take him home, give him a bath, put him in bed and let him be a kid. I am so frustrated. I dont even know where to start. I hate to generalize but something I have noticed in Haiti is an overall lack of family, lack of the father figure. There isnt this typical nuclear setup that involves 2 parents and a few kids. There are lots of kids, lots of adults and little parenting, little gentleness, a lack of nurture and discipline, education and affection. I am generalizing but its a common theme.

I have no idea where I am going with this. I dont know why I am telling you this or what my point is. I dont know if I should give them shoes or take them to church.( Although here you cant go to church unless youre wearing shoes so the two go hand in hand. ) That was a lot of I dont knows. So here is my list of do knows: 1. I do know Jesus is aware of them. 2. I do know Jesus loves them. 3. I do know that I will be in Haiti, living near them for 3 more months. 4. I do know prayer, the holy spirit and love change things.

If you feel compelled to do so, tonight or whenever, pray for these kids. Pray specifically for the ones I see everyday on the beach and pray for this upcoming generation of children. Pray for a different outcome with them. Pray for their protection, provision and that they would know the love of Jesus. Pray for ways we can show them love, pray for wisdom in knowing when to give what, how to give and who to give to. Pray whatever the Holy Spirit tells you to.

So for now, I am going to trust Jesus has this all figured out. I am so thankful for him.