Erosion

Everyone wants to be strong, faith filled and hopeful. That’s what we pray for, that is what we cry out to God for and say "God make me strong, make me a woman after your heart, develop the fruits of Your Spirit in me, make me brave, bold, courageous. Make me valiant, an intercessor. Make me like Jesus."

Somehow I guess we have just assumed over the centuries that cry alone is what makes us those things. That they are somehow attributes we can put in a back pack each day and take with us.

At least I thought so. I would pack my bag the night before, hoping to put good things in, a piece of patience, some love, a slice of grace and extra strength, depending on how much I would need. Then something would happen, wouldn’t you know. And rarely in those moments was my backpack to be found. Or somehow it seemed I had used up all my resources for the day and whatever patience I had planned on rationing the night before had been completely used.

Is that just me? Or does anyone else wish or currently fall under the pretense that you can by your spiritual fruit at Harris Teeter?  Almost three years into my term in Haiti and I may have just been hit in the head with a coconut because here is my revelation: The character of God, those things we pray and plead for to happen in us, are not removable, optional for the day, something we put on like a sweater and buy at the store. It is developed in us.  I know, its crazy and absurd. I come with breaking news that 9 times out of 10 those fruits are grown out of trials. As I walk through what I can quite genuinely say is the biggest trial of my life thus far, I am finally getting it. That the things I feel are going to break me, what the enemy may have actually sent to destroy me, are the very things used to make me. 

I cant really put into words all that I am experiencing and probably shouldn’t but I just want you to know, as I am now realizing for myself, that what you are going through is meant to grow you. The Lord showed me last night from that verse in Isaiah about how when you pass through rough waters, I (Jesus) will be with you. We will pass through waters. The waters may be there for a while. But we will pass through. We will come out. And he will be with us. He showed me a river, as a big rock moves through it, its being tossed and turned, sometimes feeling like its upside down (if rocks had feelings) not knowing which way was up. Sometimes it smashes against other rocks and scrapes against them. But at every turn and jolt and bump, its being smoothed over, rounded out, refined, shaped. Erosion- to gradually produce or form. The rock is being changed as it flows through the turbulence. Fancy that. 

And He is with us. During this. He walks with us through it. Through the fire, which Peter says “beloved DON’T BE bewildered at the fiery ordeal which is taken place to test your quality, as though something strange, unusual, and alien to you and your position, were befalling you. Rejoice, so that when His glory is revealed, you may also rejoice with triumph.” Dont freak out! Dont wonder why this is happening and what you did wrong or why God left you. 

January of 2013 I stood on a stage singing worship for the last time at my church before I left for Haiti, thinking I was going for 5 months. A visiting Pastor turned to me in the middle of it and said to everyone (but to me)  “ the reason you think you are going to Haiti is not the reason you are actually going for” To this day I had no idea what she was talking about- though 90% of the people who heard that word that day thought it meant a husband. Today, 5 minutes ago, I realized that this season, this specific trial I am going through is why I am here. This is my training ground. This growth spurt that is quite painful, that I would like to get out of, escape, give up and let go of. But truthfully, I am honored. I am honored that God would choose me to walk through this, to be patient with me as I grow and learn, to support my leader, to represent him in the midst of what seems like a giant gloomy mountain of doom and impossibility. But my God is in the business of moving those, and using random 25 year old girls that just happen to love him but look completely unqualified to do it.

Praise him and praise him more. He is with us. He is ever with us. And he desires that we continually bear fruit- like the tree in Jeremiah. It bears fruit all the time, in the drought, in the famine, because those things come! But it still bears fruit- why? Because its roots grew down deep into the water. They aren’t bothered. How about you? Are you easily bothered when things happen? I know I can be. I want things to be easy believe it or not and the race I signed up for is anything but. But I will keep running, keep going, towards the prize the goal of becoming like him, for the joy set before me. (Thank God there is rarely actual running involved).  Because that is what he did for me and that is what he asks of me. Better yet- its what he created me, enables me and empowers me to do through his Holy Spirit that also "coincidentally" lives inside of me. 

There is no power behind the things we face. Its all pseudo power. He has transferred us from the power of darkness into the kingdom of his son, remember? (Col 1:13-14) AND by the by, he has overcome the world- DEPRIVED it of its power to conquer us. (John 16:33) Yes, the things happening are real, but the reality and truth is not based on what we see, its based on His Word and what His Word says.

I awoke from blog hibernation to tell you this. Look at His word- set your eyes on things above, the things you cannot see. Stand strong in the Lord. He has not given us the spirit of fear that we so desperately cling to but He has given us a spirit of power, a spirit of love, and a sound mind. We have all that we need in him for everything we face. And there is another side. Just like the disciples in the boat as the storm came. Jesus put them in the boat to get to the other side. He is taking you there, he is just taking you through some things first to make you like him, so that you can know Him, not just know OF Him.

Keep going. He will see you through.