butterflies

Earlier as I was thinking about my final pre-Haiti post I had so many brillant things to say. Unfortunately now that I have finally sat down to type them out, I cant remember any of them. All I know to say is that I leave tomorrow, well officially wednesday, and I am freaking out. This is surreal. Everyone has been incredibly just incredible. I have the best friends. They have been supportive, encouraging, prayerful, giving, and just overall excited for me. Its nice to go knowing I have a family here that has my back, especially in prayer.

As I prepare to leave- which by the way I am still not completely packed- I came up with a few goals to keep in mind.

1. Conquer my fear of spiders. Self explanatory. I hate them and I want them all to die. But they wont so I must figure out how to not care that they exist.

2. Do/try/experience 1 new thing a day. It can be food, a new place, anything- just needs to be new.

3. Ask God every morning who I need to love that day and how. Its so fun because he wants to love everyone really but always has a specific way I can get involved- this loving others thing was meant to be a partnership!

4. Learn creole- I am already on my way....bonjou, bon maten, kouman ou ye?......and that was from memory, I didnt copy it I promise.

5. Get a tan...yes...its possible. It has happened to my skin before!

6. Be positive- no complaints bad attitude or negative words in Haiti.

7. Last but not least- tell the people of Haiti about the abundant love of Jesus. It's kinda why I am going.

8. oh and....look for that new thing that I didnt expect Jesus to do that is the real reason I am going even though I think I am going because of the orphanage. You never know what Jesus has had planned all along, since before time, for you, because he loves you, and chose you, and predestined you... ;)  kinda insane.

Thats it for now. I may come up with more later....I always think of better things to say after I have said them.

Thank you in advance for your prayers, care packages :), and love. I have never been more excited in my life I dont think. I will have to remember that when I cry all the way to the airport because I am going to miss everyone ridiculously. I love you guys! See you June 21st!

taken care of

I know I am not technically in Haiti yet, or at all, but I just cant help but tell you about all the things Jesus is doing along the way. I mean seriously guys, if there is one thing I have learned in the last 4 or so years of really walking with the Lord, its that He provides. Like everything. All the time. From $1800 in one day for a trip to India (read my India blog-its an awesome story) to free coffee just when I need it or an encouraging word from a friend, he is around every corner, one step ahead, anticipating, fulfilling and making a way for all my needs to be met. He is so great. Sigh.

Getting ready for Haiti has been a whirlwind. I will confess with some reluctance that I selfishly have been worried about even materialistic things when planning. I know its crazy to worry about what you are going to wear in the poorest country of your hemisphere but nevertheless, my mind went and stayed there for some time. Anyways, from clothes to malaria pills to needed suitcases it has been a lot. For like 3 days I tried to figure it out on my own. Planned, made lists, made more lists, organized my lists, cried, stressed. Nada. I could not seem to sort anything. Then suddenly "lightbulb"- Jesus. I remembered this verse

"Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:6-7

So I did that.  I told God what I needed, like specifically. I started with peace and patience and faith and then moved into tangible items like a suitcase, a specific amount of $, a travel hair straightener, a head lamp, towels, etc etc. My favorite things are the promises of God. His word says he is faithful to his word, and his promises always prove true. What a relief! I mean seriously, what a relief. So I made that list in my prayer, thanked the Lord for just listening to it in general and being concerned and thoughtful of my needs ( that he already knew in advance by the way) and then went to sleep. 

This does not mean I didnt worry after that. Not at all. I had days, yesterday for example, where I had to remind my worrying flesh it was not in charge of my thoughts  and that Jesus was taking care of my needs. 

I'll skip ahead and tell you that so far, everything, EVERYTHING, from my list is accounted for. People randomly saying hey do you need this for Haiti? and me being like why yes jesus must have called you. Its been phenomenal. I love Him. Because He loves me. A few unexpected things (well to me they are unexpected) have popped up but I am assured that Jesus is handling them as well. 

So, keep praying for me! AND tell Jesus what you need. Its super simple. and what he wants us to do. He's our dad, it would hardly make sense for him to not take care of us, and enjoy doing it...right? Everyone with children should understand what I am talking about, or so I imagine.

Anyways- thats my shpeel on Jesus taking care of me. I cannot believe that I am leaving almost next week. Its like 11 days or something crazy like that. I might throw up. In a good way of course :)

Oh and- so I was listening to the radio the other day and this song came on. I was in love with the lyrics and even more so once I looked up the video and realized it was about Haiti. How crazy.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U64bongHqYU

faith + fear + joy

Truth time: these past 2 days, with nothing to do on my hands but mentally plan out list after list of things I need to get and do, I have become overwhelmed. I am totally overwhelmed. I know God's got it, that he has gone before me, that he is mighty to save, my strong tower....BUT there is this point in time, or at least there is in my life, where my flesh and spirit are torn. I am not afraid of going and dying or anything like that. Its different than that. It is the fear that all of the sudden, in 3 weeks exactly my life will be wham- changed. Comforts, coffee and my day to day life will be gone. I know its not forever but it still gets me.

Can I be honest here? Can I tell you that I am afraid? I am afraid of the heart ache I am going to see. I am afraid of the feeling where you want so badly to help but know that you cannot help everyone. I am afraid of having ugly long hair. I am afraid of not being in church twice a week. I am afraid of being the new stupid intern who doesn't know what shes doing. I am afraid. And at first I felt bad for being afraid, like I should be completely just excited and yay this is the best thing ever. And then I realized that this fear allows for me the opportunity to use my faith. Can you imagine if I wasn't scared? I would be going on my own strength and abilities. This fear forces me to say Jesus I cannot will not refuse to go without you, without the promise that you know exactly what youre doing, where Im going and are protecting me enabling me strengthening me the whole entire time before and after.

Maybe this seems stupid but I cant help but thank God for the things in life that freak me out that he offers to take.

Psalm 34:5 " Those who look to Him for help will be radiant with joy; no shadow of shame will darken their faces."

What a promise. I am guaranteed not that I will never need help or that those who figure things out by themselves have joy- NO- I am promised that when I come to God for help I will have JOY.

I can come to him for help with Haiti and say God the idea of moving to Haiti to work with orphans is too much for mind to even think on or for my heart to process. Can you help me? That knowledge alone that he wants to help produces joy in me....then he comes in and helps and guess what...even more joy. joy joy joy.

Thats it for now. Please pray for me. Pray that I use these next 3 weeks wisely, that I work out the things in my heart that He is asking me too, that I am financially able to gather all the supplies needed and that somehow amidst it all I can tell which way is up and not freak out.

God is good, of that I am sure. I guess that is all I really need to know, right?

later gators

Hello there. I hope you are not already annoyed at the frequency with which I blog. In an attempt to not under process my experience I will absolutely be over processing.

Today was my last day at OCC. It was terribly sad and wonderfully sweet at the same time. My thought process the past 7-8 months in my position has been that I am just an associate. Just a temporary position trying to finish a project. My colleagues and leadership showed me today, with their words, kindness, hugs and yes, tears that I was more than that. It was so very humbling/ a bit embarrassing. I am so thankful for them and all the incredible lessons, advice and wisdom I learned while being around them. I value each one of their experiences overseas and the work they do to spread the love of Jesus to children everywhere.

So, after lots of tears and several goodbye surprises I feel even more empowered, even more capable to go. The Lord used all of them to speak into me, to encourage me, to bring light to areas I didnt know existed in me...things I couldnt see in myself that Jesus has been growing.

God is good. He is for our good. I am going to Haiti with that knowledge strongly fixed in my Spirit. I know that life there is different, so much harder and darker. But I know God is good. and He is for their good.

Shout out to all my office people. Thanks for letting me run around like a crazy person the past 7 months, dance dare you, get the hiccups 4 times a day and eat all the food before you can get to it.

I will miss you all.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NwZeCbnlCXQ

a thousand words

I dont have a lot to say for this post, nothing actually. I simply wanted you to see all these beautiful faces that say so much more than I can about what God is doing in Haiti.

Take a peek! And pray for these sweet sweet children.

http://www.samaritanspurse.org/index.php/In_Pictures/photos/greta_home_and_academy/

ready freddy

“But let justice roll on like a river, righteousness like a never-failing stream!” Amos 5:24

The countdown clock is still ticking. I officially have 43 days until my feet touch Haitian soil. I finally finished my monstrous stack of paper work and have begun the immunization process. (only 2 shots, 2 pills, and 7 months’ worth of malaria pills to go)

This weekend marked the dedication and opening of the Greta Home and Academy. I can’t tell you how badly I wanted to be down there, to see those sweet faces run into their new home for the first time. Thanks to our broadcast team, I was able to see a smidge of it. You can watch it here http://www.samaritanspurse.org/index.php/articles/haiti_orphanage/

Watching this video not only brought me to tears but strengthened the growing anticipation I have to be in Haiti. With each beautiful brown face I saw, another fear I had about the move vanished. It has been such a perspective check as I weigh the things that will be challenging, that I will miss in the states, to the lives I will get to be a part of.

I don’t know if you have ever moved to a foreign country or done anything that was new and challenging. I am sure you have, everyone has dreams and the Lord allows us all to take part in bright and beautiful things. For me, the first month of this dream coming to reality has been a whirlwind. I could only think about logistics. My brain didn’t even begin to factor in everything I would be doing. It wasn’t until a service a few Sunday’s ago. Pastor had us praying 4, really 5 prayers because of a 2b prayer. His last one, our commitment to laboring so that others may know the love of God, his glory in them, his purpose and plan for their hearts hit me. It like really hit me. I crumbled thinking of the kids I was about to spread the Holy Spirit to. Crazy thought- Jesus is using me to show children in another country his love. What?! That is crazy. But not. It’s what I have prayed for and desired for so long. I guess the crazy part is that it’s happening, right now, not like 10 years from now when I am married and my life is ‘together’ News flash: we don’t have to have all our stuff together and spiritual ducks in a row for God to fulfill dreams in our life, or better yet use us for His kingdom. Isnt that wild?

Back from my tangent, if I even had a point to begin with, Jesus is really beginning to show me the impact of what I will be doing in Haiti. And its really only because of him. I wouldn’t want to go without Him.

When I tell people I am moving to Haiti, I usually receive the same response…”Oh Haiti? Wow, they really need help. They will always be so poor and destroyed.” As overwhelming as that sounds, I don’t believe it for a second. Yes, the statistics, disease and poverty of Haiti are staggering BUT Jesus. But Jesus wants to heal and restore them. But Jesus wants to bring justice (“like a river, righteousness like a never failing stream”) to this nation. But Jesus is sending people, like myself, like so many others, to bring his power love authority healing compassion and spirit to the people. Please join me in saying and praying the right things about this country- that blessed are the poor in spirit for theirs is the kingdom of heaven, blessed are those who thirst for they shall be filled, that this nation is healed, the people are coming to know him and there is always hope.

Thanks for your support, questions, excitement and prayers. I could also use a mosquito net, bug spray, backpack and 6 months of shampoo. Just kidding, that’s what Santa is for.

I hope everyone has a Merry Christmas and stops to pray for the 80 children who just received a home for the holidays. Pray that they would also receive the love and abiding presence of Jesus this year.

Jwayeu Nwèl!

i am moving to haiti

Hello hello. You may or may not know this by know but, I am moving to Haiti. In January. It sounds crazy even to me but really incredible at the same time. It seems like forever ago that I was blogging about a trip to India to work at orphanages and now only 6 months later I'm back at it, doing something really only Jesus knew I would be doing. And maybe Gracie, she usually knows these things.

I will start off with the basics, the 411 of what I will be doing. On January 30th I will land in Haiti and after a month of touring the Samaritan's Purse field offices and projects (FYI my job is through SP) I will make my way to a city called Leogane. Here I will be living and working at the Greta Home and Academy. In case you don't know anything about this, which most people don't, I didn't, Greta Van Susteren is a Fox News reporter who helped start, build and fund this orphanage that recently opened in April. They now have a little under 70 children living there and attending the on site academy.

With the Greta Home I will be working with the director doing a few things:

1. teaching English...I am NOT a teacher, but I do know English, so it should go pretty well.
2. working to develop programs, efficiency, sunday schools, and organization for the home. In other words, being my administrative, organized self.

I am sure there is a lot more that I don't even have a clue about right now but that for now is how I understand my job role to be.

I am currently freaking out. In a good way. Its like the anticipation you have before you go on a roller coaster you've never ridden. You are really excited and ready but the anticipation and the unknown gets you. And there are so many unknowns. I wonder what it will be like in Haiti, who I will meet, what the kids will be like, or the food, or the spiders (dear Lord please help me) or the electricity/lack there of and all the things I will learn, about Haiti, living overseas, the people, my heart, Jesus, what Jesus wants to do in Haiti....the list goes on and on... and on and usually starts when I wake up and continues until I fall asleep.

All that to say I don't get much sleep at night and Im really really excited. I am so thankful that Jesus wants me to do this, that he has made the way for it to happen and that he is going with me. I remember journaling in July after I went to the Philippines about being ready for this part of my life, for what I knew ultimately was going to happen and it is absolutely surreal that it is happening.

That is a mouthful for now. 53 days seems like a lot but I'm sure it will fly by and in the meantime I will have plenty to process here.

Pray for me!