Over the short course of my 23 years, I have been on a lot of mission trips. I have been to places like Mexico, India, Africa the Philippines etc working with various orphanages and churches. Every time I went I would come back, have this insane amount of guilt for having more than one outfit and running water, forget 2 weeks later and go back to wanting more stuff. I almost expected to experience the same thing with Haiti. Most people's parting advice to me involved preparing myself for drastic poverty. I am not sure that you can prepare yourself for that but after a month of being here I have decided something.
Every day I leave base and get to see Haiti. I see poverty, immense poverty. I experience it, I talk to people that havent eaten since the day before, who cant afford school, medical care, I hear about people who die waiting in line at the clinic, I hold babies that dont wear diapers because their moms cant afford them, I see starving animals, "homes" constructed out of anything and everything, and overworked, tired people. At first I thought wow, I am so blessed to have these 3 meals a day that I am not that fond of and live in a tent. This tent is nicer than their house etc etc. And that is true. I am blessed that I got to go school, that I eat 3 large meals a day, have clothes and more clothes, have a car in the States, can tithe, have curtains in my hut, running-all be it cold- water, toothpaste, you name it. Yet somehow that is not what bothers me, and I will tell you why before you start judging me. There exists a lack in haiti and around the world that is much greater and one of eternal proportions. It brought me to my knees last night as I wept for a spiritually starving world. You see, I have the Word of God written all over my room, in my heart and in my Spirit, so that the moment I am, for instance fearful, I am reminded that God is my refuge, or my strongtower, or that I dont have a spirit of fear, but of power love and a sound mind. I walk around every day filled with something, a hope, that they have no knowledge of because they have never been shown. I struggle for words to articulate my heart right now. My point is that ok yes I have a house and they dont but I have Jesus and they dont. THAT is the problem. That should be what I offer them. "silver and gold I have none but such as I have I give you, in the name of Jesus get up and walk." Acts 3:6.... Remember that? Remember when the guy was begging and Peter gave him Jesus instead of money?
I know I have said something along the lines of this before. But I just cant let it go. I am not ok with people not knowing Jesus when I do. I am not ok singing about being blessed and naming and claiming things or tweeting my morning quiet latte time when I have the victory and they dont, but could. The world around is dying when Jesus already died for them. Do you get that? Do you realize that when he died, he died for them, that its already been done? Our job, our mandate, is to tell them about this precious life giving gift they have ALREADY been given. It is not ok for me to have Jesus and them not, its just not. And I could ask Jesus all day long why I was blessed to grow up knowing him, why I was planted at the church I was, with the godly leaders I had, and others werent. But He is going to tell me the same thing every time, "so you could tell others jess. go."
Dont worry, I am not going to come back hating all things western and 1st world. It is really not about that. It would be nice to give them better things, to fill their bellies each day, and we should. But those things will never last. I want to leave them with Jesus, I want to sow those seeds, in Haiti and everywhere. It is not just a third world thing, its everywhere, people are dying without Jesus everywhere. Poverty is all around, it just looks different.
So, thats my rant. I am not sure really how to conclude it, I just wanted to share with you what has been on my heart and in my prayers. ps- it rained today, thanks you guys for praying and jesus for answering. :)
No comments:
Post a Comment