dreams: day 25

In recent weeks as I have spoken with several of my closest and dearest friends, I have stumbled upon a theme that rings true not only for their lives but for mine. Conversation after conversation has included in some way shape or form the struggle of dreams, the visions and desires God has placed in us to do. While each person has been a bit different, they all said the same thing, "I just want to know what I am supposed to do with my life, what God has for me."

I empathize completely. Here I am 25 days away from the end of my time in Haiti and I could not have less of a clue as to what is next. That may freak some of you out, and if we're being honest, at times it scares me a bit too. The incessant planner in me dreams of a life with a giant life long calendar. I could jot down my life events (color coordinated of course), know exactly when certain things would happen, who it would involve, where, all the w's. There would be no surprises, no guesses, no waiting in the unknown, just a mapped out and ever so organized life. I know I would be bored, I know that taking the surprise out of things would be absolutely no fun at all but wouldn't ya know it would sure be easy.

I mean, do any of you feel that way? Do you ever just sit down and say, "God, I would do whatever it was I just don't know what it is." I do. I say it at least 4 times a day. I think to myself, if I just sat down and wrote out the things I enjoyed, the things that made me joyful, the desires I have in me that I believe are from God, I could figure this thing out. I even have a page on my wall "Things I am Believing God For" that I see everyday. It is not a wish list but real things with scriptures to match that I believe God is going to do in my life. The salvation of my family, a godly, kind, praying, (can I say HOT) husband, etc etc. All things I know he wants for me because, guess what, they are in his word!

I have gotten sidetracked. My point I guess is this...I was re- reading it the other day and it is a verse I hold dear in my heart.

"Many are the plans in a person's heart, but it is the Lord's purpose that prevails." Proverbs 19:21. The amplified version says "but it is the Lord's purpose for him that will STAND."

I have zero answers. Literally, I have zero answers. With each one of my friends I just agreed, shared the Word and agreed some more. I don't know what is next for me after Haiti, I don't know just exactly what it is that I am called to do in this world. I know I love baking and naps, that is pretty much as far as I have gotten. What I do know though, I am more than ok with- that even when I don't know the plans of God for me YET, I can still stand on it, him. I do that by walking in faith (its not faith if you can see it) and by trusting him, not by being afraid to do anything or saying every day that I don't know.

The planner in me wants to have it all figured out but the Word in me says even if you did have it planned, the Lords purpose is going to go on regardless. And that is what I want, isn't it what we all really want anyways? To do and be and love the things that he does? That he has for us?

That is my day 25 countdown nugget of wisdom just for me. Because some days you just have to remind yourself of the anchor that is trustworthy, faithful to perform his Word, because if he said it, he'll do it.

Today I got the sweetest goodbye letter from a 13 year old boy. Things that make it difficult to countdown. Currently, the only dream I have is for the cricket that has been chirping for 6 days straight to die a terrible death. Things that make it easy to leave.

So. Day 25. Dreams, crickets and love letters. Not too shabby.