3 days

I am not really sure what to write. I feel like I need to say something because I leave in 3 days. But that fact alone makes me want to crawl under my covers and not talk to anyone. In order to avoid being a complete Debbie Downer and ruin my last moments here, lets take a minute and review all the happy things the past 6 months has brought my way. This should make me feel better right?

1. the beach. lets talk about how I open my door every morning and the first thing I see is the ocean, like 10 feet from my door. how its the last thing I hear at night and provides the most beautiful sunsets I have ever seen every night after dinner. amazing. i might have to move to a beach after this.

2. fresh fruit every day. watermelon, mango, pineapple, all the good stuff, everyday. pre cut for me, all i have to do is eat it.

3. babies. adorable sticky kissing crazy precious sweet and all mine. no matter what horrid thing they have just done, five seconds later i cant even remember and i am ready to kiss them all over.

4. relationships. i have met the best people here. i could write paragraphs on all of them, how they have all been instrumental in growing me as a person, challenging me, encouraging me, loving me, teaching me....i think this is making me sad instead of cheering me up. i have to stop.

I know I am sad right now, and that it is ok to feel that way. I also know that God only has even better things ahead, because that is what his word promises me. It is hard to see because I don't know what is next, but I know he is already there, smoothing out the path, arranging things and I trust that. He is the ultimate planner and has it covered. I can rest in that. I can rest in his goodness. I can rest on his beautiful beach, thank him for this season, these people that will be forever in my life, and get excited for what is next. thankfully, he lets me cry about it all at the same time.

stars

One of my favorite things to do in Haiti is lay on our helicopter pad. Since its not being used for helicopters anymore, I have decided it is the perfect place to look at the stars. I walked past it tonight as I went to brush my teeth and 30 minutes later had yet to brush them. I had been sidetracked by a wonderfully bright moon and what seemed like hundreds of stars. I love stars. They are probably and most definitely one of my favorite things that Jesus has ever made. He did such a good job with them, and I tell him that every night. But tonight as I sat under them, different thoughts crossed my mind. I had been praying before, releasing some worries to God, asking for wisdom, etc etc. It crossed my mind in that moment how much these worries have taught me. It is amazing to me how each season never ceases to teach us something new about God. During college and especially my first year after, I learned the hard and sometimes hungry way how much of a provider God is. I went from pay check to pay check, needed $3000 for a trip to India, had leases end before I would sign a new one and spent my days praying and trusting God for tangible provision. It was one of the hardest seasons and lessons of my life yet you couldn't convince me otherwise today that God takes care of me. I know deep deep down in my spirit, not my mind, that God will always supply all of my needs based on HIS riches and not mine or my pay check or my circumstances or my effort. I would not trade that revelation for anything.

Haiti has been such a season that ends in 14 days and 6 hours to be exact. I will walk away with a lot of things but more than anything I am walking away knowing God as my Father. This part of Him has never been more real to me; the way he LOVES me, is for me, selected me, his promises and daily comfort, his intentions towards me, his protection, its incredible. He gives and gives wisdom and joy and peace, every good thing he has, and he withholds nothing from his children. I know we have heard this verse a million times in a million different scenarios but tonight God chose it to say to me.. "For I know the plans I have for you Jess, plans for good and not to harm, to give you hope and a future." God has plans for me. Before time he sat down and in my imagination wrote down on his planner my name and my life dates and all the in between stuff. Its all right there, written out and ready for me to walk in. He thought about me. How wonderfully thrilling, comforting and humbling is that? More than anything, its enough. Its enough in this moment for me to rest and be at peace when I don't know and don't have all the answers.

What I do know today is that I leave in 2 weeks and I already miss my kids. Sigh. And I hate packing. Double sigh. But I am excited to see my family and go to Harris Teeter- silver lining.

When I am not exhausted and ready for bed I will tell you about my wonderful weekend at a luxury hotel and about the time today when the President of Haiti's sister decided to drop by Greta for a visit. But I am sleepy and my bed is calling. Happy Tuesday Eve.

3 weeks

It is currently raining cats and goats here and I am snuggled up in my cozy cozy bed after a "Monday." In honor of day 22 and because it is always the answer to my woes, I attempted to bake a chocolate pound cake like my aunt kay makes. It didn't turn out quite the same but I did have a really good time making it and unwinding from my day.

We are all on "full alert" here as Tropical Storm Chantal makes her way towards us. River watchers at post, sand bags, making sure we have enough milk, yada yada. We are supposed to get it sometime late Wednesday but its a fast mover so should not last too long.

I got another goodbye note today from one of the kids....seriously if you think about it between now and a while from now, I would covet your prayers. Not sure how I am going to leave this place, these people, my babies and in the same breathe cannot wait to see my friends and family and EAT.

Oh and this is awesome, yesterday my generous pregnant friend shared her pickle stash with me. Oh my heavens, talk about things that make you feel like you can run the race and finish it. I have not had a pickle in I don't even know how long and these were life changing. I love pickles.

That was day 22. 3 weeks from tomorrow. Super weird. Jesus is Lord.

dreams: day 25

In recent weeks as I have spoken with several of my closest and dearest friends, I have stumbled upon a theme that rings true not only for their lives but for mine. Conversation after conversation has included in some way shape or form the struggle of dreams, the visions and desires God has placed in us to do. While each person has been a bit different, they all said the same thing, "I just want to know what I am supposed to do with my life, what God has for me."

I empathize completely. Here I am 25 days away from the end of my time in Haiti and I could not have less of a clue as to what is next. That may freak some of you out, and if we're being honest, at times it scares me a bit too. The incessant planner in me dreams of a life with a giant life long calendar. I could jot down my life events (color coordinated of course), know exactly when certain things would happen, who it would involve, where, all the w's. There would be no surprises, no guesses, no waiting in the unknown, just a mapped out and ever so organized life. I know I would be bored, I know that taking the surprise out of things would be absolutely no fun at all but wouldn't ya know it would sure be easy.

I mean, do any of you feel that way? Do you ever just sit down and say, "God, I would do whatever it was I just don't know what it is." I do. I say it at least 4 times a day. I think to myself, if I just sat down and wrote out the things I enjoyed, the things that made me joyful, the desires I have in me that I believe are from God, I could figure this thing out. I even have a page on my wall "Things I am Believing God For" that I see everyday. It is not a wish list but real things with scriptures to match that I believe God is going to do in my life. The salvation of my family, a godly, kind, praying, (can I say HOT) husband, etc etc. All things I know he wants for me because, guess what, they are in his word!

I have gotten sidetracked. My point I guess is this...I was re- reading it the other day and it is a verse I hold dear in my heart.

"Many are the plans in a person's heart, but it is the Lord's purpose that prevails." Proverbs 19:21. The amplified version says "but it is the Lord's purpose for him that will STAND."

I have zero answers. Literally, I have zero answers. With each one of my friends I just agreed, shared the Word and agreed some more. I don't know what is next for me after Haiti, I don't know just exactly what it is that I am called to do in this world. I know I love baking and naps, that is pretty much as far as I have gotten. What I do know though, I am more than ok with- that even when I don't know the plans of God for me YET, I can still stand on it, him. I do that by walking in faith (its not faith if you can see it) and by trusting him, not by being afraid to do anything or saying every day that I don't know.

The planner in me wants to have it all figured out but the Word in me says even if you did have it planned, the Lords purpose is going to go on regardless. And that is what I want, isn't it what we all really want anyways? To do and be and love the things that he does? That he has for us?

That is my day 25 countdown nugget of wisdom just for me. Because some days you just have to remind yourself of the anchor that is trustworthy, faithful to perform his Word, because if he said it, he'll do it.

Today I got the sweetest goodbye letter from a 13 year old boy. Things that make it difficult to countdown. Currently, the only dream I have is for the cricket that has been chirping for 6 days straight to die a terrible death. Things that make it easy to leave.

So. Day 25. Dreams, crickets and love letters. Not too shabby.

countdown begins

Yesterday I began the process of telling all 71 of my sweet babes that I will be leaving on July 30th. Talk about the agony. They all handle it differently, some don't even really understand. But I do, and it sucks. Part of my heart is ready and the part that still loves them at the end of a long and sometimes ridiculous day isn't. I am not sure how my last day will go but in the meantime the countdown has begun. 28 days. 28 days left of one of the best, well, actually maybe the best season so far of my life. I know it only gets better from here but there are a few dear little hearts that are making this feel impossible.

I know that time can fly, that your days can come and go before you even realize it. I am going to try to keep track of each day as best as I can. I know future me will love to look back and read all of this one day when maybe even just a smidge more of my puzzle is filled in and some of this makes a bit of sense.

Today was normal at work. I am actually staying the night again. I can count on that including a long day, a bed time story and sweet kisses as I tuck them in...and probably not a lot of sleep for me.

I re-read my blog post from last week about the goodness of God chasing me and I guess sometimes we forget even the things we ourselves learn and write. God reminded through that and then some of how much he loves me and (sigh of relief) how in control of my life he is. He has already gone ahead in time, made all my paths smooth, pre-arranged blessings, people. I really love him, and he happens to love me too. :)

With that thought, my air conditioned work space has been commandeered by some rowdy pre teens who just must watch a soccer match. So that's that.

Day 28. Come and almost gone. Here is to day 27 and finishing off the last bits of my cinnamon toast crunch from my care package. God is good people, God is good.

surely goodness

"Surely Your goodness and mercy will follow me all the days of my life and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever." Psalm 23:6

I read somewhere recently that in this particular verse, the Hebrew word for follow is radaph. Literally translated, radaph means "to pursue, to run after, to chase, to hunt down".

Though hunt down sounds a bit traumatic I really love this word, everything it entails. If I am being completely honest, as usual, lately I have not felt very chased by the goodness of God. I have felt tired, frustrated, alone, the opposite of good. But tonight as I spent some time in prayer and worship, all I could mutter was God you are good. You are so good. And His Spirit took me to this verse. That is when it came alive for me. The words I had been reading left the page and took over me. I felt chased, I felt pursued, I felt sought out, charted and tracked by the love and presence and blessing of God.

I am not just talking about blessings like wealth, and health bla bla. I am talking about his joy peace kindness love mercy. All the good stuff. The heart of what God is. It fills my stomach with butterflies to think about. That throughout my day, my sometimes tear jerking hot and sweaty day while I may be running this way or that, literally or in my heart and mind, no matter where I go, his goodness and mercy are not only behind me but they overtake me.

That my dear friends in something worth resting in. I don't want to go any further in it. I just want to sit there. Which is basically where the writer goes with that verse..."and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever." When the love and grace of God overcome you, the only thing to do is rest in it, dwell in it, soak it up. It may be at 5am as your alarm goes off and you are already dreading your day. It  may be at 5pm when the kids need to be fed, and dinner isn't ready and your husband had a bad day. It may be the night before a final, a work presentation, as you travel, as you tell the children for the millionth time to not eat chalk. But it happens. It finds you. He finds you, because he knows where you are.

Surely. That word says to me with assurance, "well of course..." Of course the goodness of God is chasing you today. Of course its pursuing your every move. Surely. Because He loves you. And nothing delights him more than to overwhelm you with himself.

That is my mini thought for the day. It has nothing to do with my day except that at every challenge, road block, frustrating tear filled moment, he reminded me of his goodness pursuing me. Write it on your heart, your bathroom mirror and your dashboard. Radaph- the goodness of God chases me today.

kokoye

Let me tell you a tale about a girl who went on an adventure and now lies in bed tired beyond belief covered in aloe vera because her entire body hurts.

8:30am- Leave base ready for an adventure. With backpacks, bathing suits, snorkeling gear and tons of water, we are off to Kokoye Beach.

9:30- Arrive in TrooChouChou. The beach cannot be reached by road, only by boat or on foot so we start hiking.

Our view from the top.

The patch of white and sea of turquoise is where we are headed.

9:32- Wow, this hike is pretty steep but not too bad. I had heard horror stories of how hard it was but I think I can do this.

10:00- We make our way down to this:

Miles and miles of untouched and uninhabited beach. Secluded, quiet and perfect for my Saturday.

10:00-4:00- I floated on a float in the ocean, went for a walk and found beautiful conk shells, ate fried banana chips and then floated some more.

"I don't know what everyone was talking about with that hike. It was not that bad. I cant believe we don't come here more often....this is the most beautiful place. I am so coming here again"

4:00- Put on my tennis shoes and begin the climb back to the top. We now have to get back up to here.

4:06- "hey you guys, I can hear my heart beat in my head, I don't think that is normal"

4:07- "um can we take a break, I am going to vomit."

4:11- "Jessica you can do this, just take 100 steps and then we can stop," said Rebecca, encourager of the year.

4:11- "Has it been 100 yet?" "No, 20."

4:17- "I cant believe how hard this is. I know exactly why we don't come here more often....this place sucks. I am never coming here again."

You get the idea.

At 4:50 I saw the light at the end of the tunnel and made it to the car.

6:00- get in the shower. I have turned into a tomato. 

I look like this, lines and all going right down my side. Its like I have a bathing suit on, when I don't.

My day went from being the most serene and peaceful to h-e- double hockey stick and back. It is seriously the most beautiful beach I have ever been to and completely set away, the perfect place to relax and yet the worst hike I have ever been on. I dont think I have ever been a bigger wimp in my life.

All in all, despite its traumatic last hour and my dramatic attitude, it was a lovely day...that I will probably never experience again. The end.

take heart

This morning I woke up, like many of you did I imagine, and was quickly reminded of the date. June 21st. In case you don't know every detail concerning my life, today was my original leave Haiti date. A little bit crazy, right? Well for me it is, to think that as I type this now, 5 months ago I imagined I would be back in America, done with an "experience", eating cheeseburgers, taking hot showers, in cooler places with lighter faces. 3 weeks in to my time here, I was ready for this day. 3 months later and I was devastated thinking about it. With only 2 hours left of it, I can say that I have experienced those emotions and then some, set on repeat. Thankful, honored, humbled, tired, hungry, exhausted, excited, scared, hopeful.

It is almost comical to me to think about my first journal entry for Haiti, as I sat on the plane, my head and heart full of ideas on what these next 5 months would look like. Not only have they flown by and simultaneously dragged on in some way, but they have been nothing short of surprise after surprise, the unexpected mixed with the duh moments of "of course, I should have seen this coming".

I guess Jesus is brilliant like that. And I guess its not a guess. Because when I look back on my day, one of the most chaotic in all my histories of days here, and I think back on my first day and then factor in all those in between, the days where I thought I could stay here forever, the days I was certain I would starve, the days I knew Jesus was before and behind me, and the days where I wondered if he remembered I was here at all, the only thing that is actually certain to me about them is him.

His word says, "take heart, for I have overcome the world." My amplified version goes even further and says "deprived it of power to harm you and have conquered it for you." I didn't believe that today. I didn't believe it yesterday. There are so many days where I wanted to crumple up my index card with this verse on it and say really God? Did you really conquer it for me, because I am feeling like the conquered one right now. Today. I wanted to do that today.  Every bit of my heart wanted to throw in the towel, say God I am tired, not the one for the job, whatever job that is, and take a nap for a month. I know I am being a bit dramatic but extreme heat and 5 months worth of rice will do that to anyone. The hard seems harder and the rough, rougher. Yet as I write this, tears pour down my face. They come from a place in my heart that whispers above all the screaming, and the fear and the chaos and says "jess, take heart. be confident, undaunted, strong." I cry because I believe it. Because even on the days when I didn't feel him, I knew and believed in my refuge. That is what I am confident in. That is what helped me sign on the dotted line for 1 more month, what allows me to believe that its all for my good, that he is constant, sovereign, in love with me, for me, my tower, the light unto my path, my dad.

I know this is a tad sappy with a side of melodramatic but its where my heart is. I wont be eating any cheeseburgers today or anytime soon for that matter, but I trust his bigger picture. (and I found Kraft mac n cheese at the gas station today AND a cherry 7up, that's whats up)

So, with that said, I am ready to see what this last month may hold. I don't want to waste this extra time I have been given nor do I want to wish it away. Whoever you are reading this, I want to say that even though I am in the driest season yet of my life and the last one to be talking right now, Jesus wants you to know that he is on your side, that his goodness and mercy are chasing after you, even and especially in your weakness. That when your weakness is heavy upon you, you can stop and praise the Lord that his strength is about to kick in and carry you over whatever it is. I believe that tonight. I may not feel like it, but I believe it. And I know that each moment I choose to believe it regardless of how I feel is another moment strengthening my faith.

"I have told you these things so that in me you may have [perfect] peace and confidence. In the world you have tribulation and trials and distress and frustration; but be of good cheer [take courage; be confident, certain, undaunted]! For I have overcome the world. [ I have deprived it of power to harm you and have conquered it for you] John 16:33

monday

Today was quite the day. One of those, "oh man I did not eat enough breakfast for this" kind of day. My boss is in America again for a bit so were back to the flying solo. I feel much better about it this go around but it still makes for a more intense week.

Monday started off with the children trapping a giant (bigger than my hand) tarantula and chasing me with it. After several attempts at acting unafraid I lost it. I barricaded myself in the office and watched them put it up against the glass door. My productivity only declined from there. I called my construction friend to come over and find out where the spider was but he couldn't find it and had "quit being such a girl" to offer as his brilliant words of wisdom. I eventually left my office for lunch, only to find a crab bigger than my laptop (no exaggeration) under my desk. Other than the fishy smell, SO glad it was just a crab. Those extra 2 legs make a world of a difference.

30 minutes later I am on my way to Port-au-Prince with the same friend I asked to rescue me from the spider. A work injury is taking our day on a detour to the hospital. Halfway there we pull over to meet our American nurse so she can put his IV in. If you know me, you know this almost beats out the tarantula and as I attempt to be the brave one, I begin to get light headed. We both made it. I sang soft kitty and he ate a sucker, in the manliest and most bravest way of course.

From 3-6 we waited at the hospital. He had a few tests and ultimately was more concerned that his plans of watching Elf tonight were being ruined. I promised to act it out the entire 2 hour car ride home but I know its not the same thing.

In case you are worried, he is quite all right. He will go back in the morning for a follow up. in the meantime, I am P double O pooped. Monday has given me more than I bargained for and all I can say is that I hope tomorrow has less creepy crawlies, zero injuries and lots of Christmas cheer.

just some happenings

Good Morning everyone. It is 11:08 am on a Thursday and I am currently sitting in my bed drinking coffee. Its not a vacation day here but because my boss is great I have been given a mandatory day of rest. So happy rest day to me. That should clue you in a little bit as to why its been a while since I have posted. I feel like I say this every blog post but its been hard lately. I will get this part out of the way and just say that I have been struggling and could definitely use your prayers and encouragement. I am so excited about staying an extra month and could not imagine if I actually was leaving on June 21st as planned but I am still feeling a bit burned out. And by a bit I mean a lot. Let's just be real because that is important, especially when you're asking for prayer. I am tired, its really hot which makes all situations feel a bit more dramatic than they might be, I am feeling far from the Lord, even though I know He is nearer than I could imagine, and I ran out of snacks so I'm hangry (hunger leads to anger, hungry + angry= hangry). So that's that. I appreciate your prayers and support. I know this is all one giant process, that Jesus has not left me, that He is active in my day to day life, my heart and my development and growth. I also know that how I feel will not last forever and is key to me becoming more like Him, more pruned and therefore more effective for His kingdom, which ultimately I want all of those things.

Enough of that, lots going on here. We had the wedding 2 weekends ago. I don't really want to talk about that, too overwhelming to relive but I will say, that regardless of who I marry, I love American weddings. This thing was unreal, no offense to Haiti. The ceremony started an hour late which is apparently earlier than expected. (My wedding will start on time, we will lock the doors and you will no be allowed in...) But seriously, it gets better. Not only are there about 5 million people that walk down the aisle but they take a year and a half as they slow dance their way down together. While this is happening, every guest has popped up with their phone or other gadget and is standing in front of the people walking down the aisle trying to film their own video. Its insane. You cant see anything. there are more people in the aisle than there are in chairs. Two hours later, the short ceremony has ended and the reception begins which I really don't want to talk about. But its over so that's that. The picture below is of the reception site on the beach.

 

 

 

(All the brides walking in. It was a mass wedding, 3 couples at one time.)

Last Friday was National Donut Day in America, so in honor of donuts, America and the fatty living inside me, we made donuts and they were heaven.

My new favorite past time thanks to my Canadian friends is now hockey. And let me toot my own horn for a second, I am awesome at it. Which if you know me, coordination, athletic activities such as moving, etc. are not really my forte. But I think I've found my nitch. Only problem, I tend to get quite aggressive which leads to injuries like falling over the wall- twice- having someone land on top of me and with my profound abilities to bruise like a peach have consistently maintained 2 black and blue legs for 3 weeks now. The children are starting to get concerned lol.

I have been on a few excursions lately. The weekend of the wedding we went to a beach nearby called Taino beach. Its nice, good for snorkeling, saw a few cool fish but I'm still terrified of sharks so I didn't make it out too far. Last weekend we went to Croix de Bouquet, a town near Port-au-Prince. Here the livelihood is iron making so its tons of little shops lined up filled with iron pieces, like bowls, wall art, etc. I bought a bowl, the word Joy, and a tree thing. After that we went to the Sugar Cane Factory and had lunch. It is an absolutely beautiful place- had delicious shrimp that I had been craving for weeks- got sick off said shrimp and will now not be eating shrimp for quite a while.

 Taino Beach

 

 

 

 <--- the shrimp

 

                      (my dear Canadian friends)

 

 



The children. Lets talk about them since they are why I am here. um I love them. I just love them. They drive me crazy, are the reason I pull my hair out most days, pee on me, don't even get me started on nap time which we just instituted and has become my project (I mean seriously, don't you want to sleep, aren't you tired? I say to them, Because mama Jessica is tired and she wants to sleep so shut your eyes and go to bed) But in the same breathe I want to squeeze them, eat them, hug them forever and keep them all. We had a mothers day celebration at the end of May because that's when it is celebrated in Haiti. The kids had gotten gifts for their mamas and would come up front and say the mom they wanted to give their gift to and the mom would come up and get the gift. I was shocked when I heard my name, my heart LITERALLY melted. I will forever treasure my weird tear shaped vase filled with water and a fake flower. Oh these kids. I know I'm not a mom, by any means, so if you are a mom or have pushed a baby out of your body and know that agony, I'm not trying to take away any of those moments for you but I think I am getting a glimpse of what its like. I wake up for these kids, go to bed exhausted because of them yet am ready to do it the next day because I cant wait to see them. I would lose my life for them, cant understand why they eat chalk and make the choices they do, let them braid my hair, some days don't want to wake up to see them, but every day love them more. Its chaos and its the best thing that's ever happened to me. Sigh. I miss them today. I mean I am enjoying the quiet and the not feeling like I'm in a fish bowl (exhibit A below) but I miss them.

 

 

 

 

(Sorry they are all sideways! I am not good with the technology stuff)

I think that's all I can think of to say for now. To sum up, I feel a billion different things a day so thank God that He is in charge of my life, is never changing, has my days pre-arranged, and loves me more than I can fathom.

OH and.....so this week was Greta Van Susteren's birthday (you know Greta Home and Academy, that Greta) so the kids and I made a few things for her...you can check them out on her Fox News blog....

1. http://gretawire.foxnewsinsider.com/video/wow-check-out-this-awesome-birthday-present-from-the-children-in-haiti/
2. http://gretawire.foxnewsinsider.com/video/more-birthday-fun-thanks-to-the-children-at-greta-home-academy/
3. http://gretawire.foxnewsinsider.com/video/i-dont-think-anyone-has-ever-ever-ever-gotten-as-great-a-birthday-present-as-this-video-i-so-love-these-kids/

The first is a giant banner we made with all the kids handprints on there. It was so fun painting their hands.

 

The second video is a card I bought (not made, sorry Greta) and wrote for her from the kids. The third is a video I made on my handy dandy phone...and of course its featuring my little one at the end, be still my heart.

So that's my life in a nutshell. Tomorrow is our kindergarten graduation which will be precious and our Samaritans Purse video crew is here this week so I will be posting a link to their videos and pictures soon!

Happy Thursday!

 

weekly highlights

This past weeks highlights:

1. Last Thursday I stayed the night at Greta...that was quite the experience. Lots of sweet things to say about it and I also would like to add that I will never take for granted my alone adult time. Seeing the kids for a full 24+ hour day was a lot to take in but with it came bedtime stories, tucking them in and seeing their faces first thing when I awoke. What I did not like was waking up when they woke up (5 am)....you win some, you lose some.

2. Friday I came back to base to find a monstrous water slide assembled and ready to be tested. I mean, this thing could make it into Carowinds. Its legit. I was not too thrilled about the extension ladder I had to climb to get into it but nevertheless I was happy to test the slide for safety and levels of fun. This was one of the most fun things I have done in quite some time, top part slide, bottom part slip n slide...win win. We played on that for a good part of the day, got soaking wet and then did it again the next day with the Greta kids. We had them over to base for beach day. Watching the little kids slide probably for the first time on a water slide was adorable. I have no pictures I am sorry to say. I wanted to make sure I was with the kids Saturday and not just trying to capture the moments, ya know? But it was really fun and just picture sweet Dave, sitting on the beach, belly out, in his teeny swimsuit, purple sunglasses upside down, holding his Barbie. Oh I could have gobbled him up. We had loads of fun playing in the sand and in the slip n slide. He even washed my hair for me with the soapy water. He's so thoughtful.

3. Sunday in Haiti is Mother's Day. Yesterday they all made cards in school for their mothers and bless my heart, 3 of them chose me to give theirs too. I am not going to get into the mooshy gooshy of that but it meant a lot to me, we'll leave it at that.

4. At some point this week, though I have lost track of my days, I got poop on my pants, this time a child's....Dave....that was fun.

5. This morning at 5 am I was awakened by a feeling on my leg. I smacked it and as I suspected felt something there. I turned the lights on, threw off the covers and low and behold, there was a scorpion in between my legs. From there followed a series of being paralyzed from shock, speaking in tongues, asking jesus ever so calmly why this was in my bed, trying to kill it with my shoe and crying because I was so tired. 15 minutes later it was dead and I was not getting back in my bed. I definitely got an earlier than desired start to my day and have already checked my sheets twice for one tonight.

6. Today was All Staff Fun Day at base so all our national and expat employees, around 200 people had the day off for fun. Myself and the Deputy Country Director were in charge of planning what is basically an adult field day. This went on all day and was just the most fun. Both of us, along with the Country Director had super soakers that we could shoot people with throughout the day. I had a feeling this would backfire.....so during the water balloon toss, Francois, one of our rubble guys...said he had a special game. He drew names "randomly" from a hat for people to sit in a circle. Ironically, our DCD, CD and I were chosen. As our chairs were being tied together I began to catch on. We were attacked. All our were staff armed with water balloons for about a 5 minute attack. All we could do was duck and cover. From then on it was a full out water war as people grabbed buckets of water and went crazy. I was soaked but definitely managed to return the favor to Francois.

7. I hate mosquitoes and would like for everyone to join me in praying against them and agreeing in faith that they will stop eating me. I am going to turn into one giant swollen bite. I hate them.

8. Last but not least......drum roll......you know how my leave date for Haiti is June 21st so like less than a month? Well, this week I got extended! I will be staying until the end of July now. I am so thankful to have more time here and am excited about whatever it is Jesus is doing- because I know its awesome, scorpions and poop included.

That is my crazy week. This coming Saturday we have a mass wedding (3 couples at one time) happening at base for some of our employees that yours truly is in charge of. I am sure I will have lots to say about that when everything is finished.  That is all. I am going to bed. Good Night!

mama said thered be days like this...

I think I need to change my blog title. Instead of Lafwa- which means faith in creole, I think it should be "you'll never believe what happened today" After all, most of my days feel like that. I come home and tell my fellow base mates, who are questioning the various things they see on my pants, what strange things that I just cant explain happened that day at Greta.

I will re-tell my day to you like I did to my friends at the dinner table tonight over, you guessed it, rice. :) It might sound dramatic, because that is how I feel about it, but I assure you its all true. I just can't make this stuff up.

It started off normal, walked to the breakfast area around 7 am, where I spilled coffee creamer on my pants. I went and changed only to spill coffee on my second pair of pants 10 minutes later during devotions. I decided to stay in those pants, knowing that I usually dirty them at work and I just refuse to create more laundry for myself.

Flash forward 5 hours later. Its almost 12:30- lunch time- and my boss has left for the bank. Its just me myself and I while the kids are still in school and I have the office alone. I turn up my music and think I am finally going to get this work done Ive been needing to check off. Slowly but surely my little kindergarten bumpkins start to trickle in- they got out of school early today. I kiss them, squeeze them and send them to the lunch tables, but as usual, a few refuse to leave. (I'm convinced this disobedience is simply because they just love me so much they want to stay and not listen to anything I say). I manage to get 1 of 3 out the door and close it behind me to ensure no other kids come in. I get the last 2 kids, take them to the door and...to my surprise... it wont open. I thought maybe one of the kids was holding it closed but nope, no one there. A few minutes later I concede that I am indeed locked in my office with 2 boys under the age of 7. Oh me oh my. The all glass door quickly gives away my predicament as many of the kids gather to watch.

(Anderson and Fritz. These are their "sad" faces once we realized we were stuck.)

In the meantime, everyone decided to walk by, ask me why I was stuck in the office, insist they were the 16 year old boy that could free this white damsel in distress, offer to slide me water under the door (no idea how that could have worked out), cry because they thought I was stuck in there forever (Dave) or just laugh at the blan that cant open the door. (Blan means white and is also often confused as my name.)

Long story short I called our construction guys over and an hour and a half later they cut the door handle off and we were freed. It was quite the ordeal. I spent the time trying to keep their little hands off of everything, entertain them, ration out my last granola bar between the 3 of us, and aid the construction workers in my release. I never again want my freedom to depend on my tool skill set. I had no clue what I was doing despite my 4 hour ordeal from Friday where I locked myself out of my house and had to break in. Potato, potato the situations felt the same and the moral of the story is I now have a reputation of getting locked in and out of things. Dont worry, we all survived, some of us barely. I was doing ok until one of the boys farted.....

 

(Our wonderful construction men trying to get us out.)

Twenty minutes after my freedom, my pants prediction came to pass. I left work with blood that wasnt mine on my khakis. Dont freak out. It was only a nice cut on the toe. Nothing a giraffe band-aid and a few kisses couldnt fix. But still. My pants.

I think thats about it for the day. I did not cross anything off my to-do list but that is ok, there is always tomorrow for that. Or maybe Thursday but not Friday because we have the day off. Happy Flag Day. :) Oh, AND, silver lining, besides Jesus and cute babies that wear me out and test my patience, I got a 12 pack of diet coke today. Hollaaa!

I hope none of this sounds like complaining. I wouldnt choose anywhere else to be in the world, except maybe when I was locked in my office. I still wake up every morning glad this is what Jesus chose for me. Some days are just days and you gotta love the ones that give you the best blogging material. So enjoy my crazy day, I am going to sleep! Here is to a better tomorrow, one with clean pants and doors that stay open.

home sweet home

Well, in case you didnt notice, I am back in Haiti. After 10 wonderful days in the States with family and friends I have made my way back "home". It definitely feels bittersweet and I imagine life usually feels that way when you go from one great thing to another. I will say this sweet little face below made the switch a whole lot easier. Good grief. I encourage you next time you are feeling grumpy, complaining, discontent or just normal to find this photo and look at that boy. I love my Dave.

 



Besides eating all my favorite foods and taking long hot showers, my time at home was extremely refreshing. I could go on and on about the amazing family and friends I am blessed to have. It makes things easier, possible and enjoyable when you have a support system behind you, praying, encouraging, bearing your burdens and joys. With that said I am ready to get back in it. I think I have gained a lot of perspective just by being removed for a few days and can see things with a bit more clarity and grace. I did forget however 1. how hot it is here 2. how many mosquitoes there are and 3. how much I have come to hate rice.

All those things aside and my dire need for diet coke today, I wouldnt trade these babies, this experience, this calling for all the diet coke and mellow mushroom in the world.

Pray for me today as I switched out my bottle of perfume with a can of deet. Regardless of how much longer I am here or what all I do, I know each lesson, each child, each day is just covered in purpose and grace. And I will come back and read that sentence on the day when I am so hungry, so tired, so hot and so frustrated. Because I know those moments will come, I have had PLENTY.

So, thats it for now. I am still recovering from travels yesterday getting back into rhythm so I am going to bed. Good Night!

6 days til USA

I never know what to say for my first sentence of a post. So I am just going to say that and avoid it all together.

This week was crazy crazy. My boss came back from the States, (yay) which meant less chaos at work and no bungalow. Luckily, my sweet friend Rebekah left for R&R this morning so here I am again living it up in a bungalow. I have become a bungalow hopper.

Last week was very challenging. I am still going through some things that the Lord is having me sort out here. I would like to use my get out of jail free card on some of them but I know I'll just end up right back here again at some point so its important to stay put and let it all happen. It sucks a lot but process, growth, stretching your capacity and therefore becoming more intimate with the Lord is all worth it.

Enough of that. Here are some highlights of this week in random order.

1. The last night of my bungalow life, so Tuesday night, I went to sleep as usual. Sometimes, a lot of times, I have dreams where there is a spider or some other creature on me, near me, and I wake up in a frenzy only to realize theres actually nothing there. This night seemed to be no different as I woke up from feeling something on my neck. I turned on the light, smacked my neck and decided nothing was there, it must have been a dream. Thats when I saw it. I giant cockroach and by giant Im going to say the length of my ring finger and the width of my thumb.  You cant see my hands but rest assured, it was big. I smacked it down from the bed which is when I lost it. I searched for 15 minutes, decided I wasnt afraid and was going back to bed because it was 1 am, then got back up when I remembered the story of the woman who had a roach lay eggs in her brain. Not happening. I said a prayer, found the roach, murdered it and slept with the light on. Jesus and I talked the next morning about adding that to the list of things I need protection from and or that arent allowed to be on me at night. We should be good from here on out.

2. Yesterday was adventure in Port-au-Prince day. We left base around 8 am arrived around 10. We started at a place called the Apparent Project. Its a store run by Americans that teaches women livelihoods like jewelry making etc and then sells the products and gives them a high percentage of the cost. At least thats the gist I got. I got some nifty giftys there and then headed to lunch at a beautiful restaurant called the Latin Quarter. It was nicer than most restaurants I eat at in the States. We had a delicious and expensive lunch there and then went to a bakery in downtown. Heaven. See exhibit A below. Then, the place Ive been missing more than my own bed, the grocery store. Holy cow. I was acting like a child, every aisle, every turn offered me food I had not seen in 3 months. I bought orange peppers, a block of brie cheese, apples, and irish cream coffee creamer. I intend on sharing with no one.

 Here is Rebekah- girl whose bungalow I am in. She is sitting with Mark, 

not to be confused with Jesus, though many Haitians yesterday did. #longhairdontcare

 Here is me Nicole and Robert at the Apparent Project.

 This is what I had for lunch yesterday. So good.

 Everyone at the Latin Quarter.

 Chocolate cheesecake from the bakery.

Mission accomplished. I have successfully eaten a doughnut 

in every country Ive been to. Krispy Kreme still reigns supreme.

After a full day there we came back and held our base dance party. I was asked to plan it and we invited people from other NGO's in the area. It was so much fun and let me tell you so needed. I must be a completely different person here in Haiti because for the first time I was told by someone in a serious manner, not even joking because I asked them and they said no, that I was a good dancer. I know what youre thinking, but keep the laughs to yourself. I think Ive made a breakthrough here. I cant keep a straight face as I type this. I dont know what she was thinking and I instantly told her that.

3. Can you say USA in 6 days?

I am so ready, so excited to see everyone and eat things. I just want to eat things. Pray for this final week, its going to be something else trying to get ready to leave for a bit but I know it can be done!

4. Here is my friend Nicole with a baby goat...because you know, why not?

my day in pictures 2

Today was the first truly good, wonderful day I have had in a long time. Since a lot of my posts have consisted of frustrations and/or struggles lately I thought it would be nice to hear about happy things to, the days that make the bad days worth it.

1. Thank you to everyone who responded with sweet messages of encouragment and prayers for the boys on our beach and for me. Especially my mother. You are a gem, thoughtful, encouraging, supportive. You understand the power in unity and numbers. Thank you for being proud of me, for taking my burdens as your own.

2. Today was just great. I even cried happy tears. Instead of telling you about my day I will just show you. This is Jeff and Dave. You remember Dave, my first kiss? Cant get enough of these babies.  Just goes to show all you need is a box and youve got a good time.

just posing...



 

 

this box is hardly big enough for all of us.

 

israel choking dave. jeff enjoying israel choking dave.

 

dave choking jeff and jeff choking dave.

 

 

now lets kiss. they love eachother.

 

"they see me rollin'..."

 

run dave run!

 

the box monster is coming!

 

3. The one and only not so great part of my day- I attempted to make a chocolate peanut butter cake for my friends birthday party tomorrow. As I was icing it, it completely fell apart. Its now cut up in a bowl. Its a bowl of cake. So lame. I dont know if she will buy that it was "supposed" to look like that. I'll let you know how it goes.

Happy friday eve. Everyone have a great day tomorrow! TGIF.

the beach boys

I came home from work today with every intention of blogging about my day. I was going to sacrifice the hours it takes to post more than 2 pictures, talk about my cute kiddos, relay last night's trauma as my AC broke and I found out this morning that all I had to do was push one button and I could have slept through the night, etc etc. Instead I am writing with a frustrated heart. It is one of those moments when you see a need and you are just at a loss. What you want to do, what you can do and what you should do are 3 different stories and settling for one over another doesnt feel possible.

Our beachfront base is situated right in the middle of a community called L'acul. Long story short, there are a group of boys who spend their day outside our gate on the beach. The guards know all of them, those of us who talk to them know all their names, their ages, everything we can about them. In the beginning I didn't talk to them very much. I didnt speak any creole and they seemed like a bunch of roudy pre-teens who needed something to do. I spend my entire day with kids so I hardly feel like it when I come home. Lately however I have felt a pull to talk to them. The second I get home they see my car pull up and call my name from the gate. Most evenings me and a few others go out there and talk to them, give them mangos, and goof off. Two guys in particular here are really great about spending time with them, teaching them how to fix their bikes and having movie nights on the beach. They all live close by in poor conditions. They wear ratty clothes, are dirty and usually eat because we feed them. I feel torn often because my natural inclination is to give them everything they need, clothes, food and some soap. But sometimes I struggle, wondering if that is the best thing, or how I can go beyond that and share Jesus. Each kid has a different story, different family life. Some are orphans, some are abused, all of them want attention, just want someone to talk to.

Tonight we were out there talking to them and they were all fighting about something ridiculous- just boy stuff. I was holding Joskowa- He is 6, the cutest child I have ever beheld and an orphan. I am watching these older boys influence him, tease him, provoke him, teach him gestures he should never know, force him to be an age he isnt at. I watch them transfer the same behaviors they receive from their parents to him and it makes my heart sick. Everything in me wants to take him home, give him a bath, put him in bed and let him be a kid. I am so frustrated. I dont even know where to start. I hate to generalize but something I have noticed in Haiti is an overall lack of family, lack of the father figure. There isnt this typical nuclear setup that involves 2 parents and a few kids. There are lots of kids, lots of adults and little parenting, little gentleness, a lack of nurture and discipline, education and affection. I am generalizing but its a common theme.

I have no idea where I am going with this. I dont know why I am telling you this or what my point is. I dont know if I should give them shoes or take them to church.( Although here you cant go to church unless youre wearing shoes so the two go hand in hand. ) That was a lot of I dont knows. So here is my list of do knows: 1. I do know Jesus is aware of them. 2. I do know Jesus loves them. 3. I do know that I will be in Haiti, living near them for 3 more months. 4. I do know prayer, the holy spirit and love change things.

If you feel compelled to do so, tonight or whenever, pray for these kids. Pray specifically for the ones I see everyday on the beach and pray for this upcoming generation of children. Pray for a different outcome with them. Pray for their protection, provision and that they would know the love of Jesus. Pray for ways we can show them love, pray for wisdom in knowing when to give what, how to give and who to give to. Pray whatever the Holy Spirit tells you to.

So for now, I am going to trust Jesus has this all figured out. I am so thankful for him.

i am a terrible blogger

Happy monday everyone. We all made it through the first day of the week. Of course I had something to help- and I am currently sitting on my bed eating it- all 2 giant bags worth of sweets from England and some from the states. I have wonderful friends :).

I hardly know where to start because it has been a long time since I have written anything. Maybe I will start with the noise that I keep hearing...its coming from behind the fridge...I'm too scared to get up and look. Im sure its nothing.........I better get up and look now, while my neighbor is still awake so she can save me as needed. Hold on. ------------------ Phew, it seems to be nothing for now.

If youre wondering about the fridge I mentioned, I am currently not in my hut but living it up in the world of indoor plumbing at my bosses bungalow. She is on vacation in the States for 2 weeks and has graciously offered me her home and all the ammenities that come with not having to walk a mile to the bathroom in the middle of the night. While I am enjoying the bungalow I am eager for her to come back. Work everyday without her is challenging but I know its a good chance for me to step up and grow in some areas, learn a lot and see what I am capable of.

Thats pretty much whats different right now; otherwise its the same old same old. Oh, except, we found this cool hang glider kite parachute thing the other day. I have been jumping off things trying to get airborne- so far I have not gotten very far but I am confident I will succeed at some point. I have also been injuring myself a lot lately- unrelated to jumping off things. Last week I sliced my toe open on a door and today I dropped and shattered my bosses toothbrush holder on my foot. That ones a doozy but I will survive.

Oh and, this is fun- today I had my first kiss. His name is Dave, he's 4 and he had cheetos on his lips. This child has been trying for over a week now to lay one on me and finally succeeded. Every time Im holding him he goes in for one and I move my face or kiss him on the cheek instead. Today he outsmarted me, took my first kiss and gave me his cheeto leftovers. This is Dave:

Look at this cutie pie. I mean seriously....I think this is a better first kiss choice than most of my friends made in middle school. Just saying.....

I wish I had something profound to share with you for the day. My revelations have been quite simple lately. In a world like Haiti, it is usually the simple truths that carry the most power, the most strength and create the most change. After I blogged a few weeks ago about struggling, I struggled even more. But God in his pure faithfulness was there. And that was that. He was there. He was personal to me in my struggle. It was Easter weekend and more than ever was the cross real to me. More than ever did I see the weight of what the empty tomb was for me. Easter morning I sat on the beach watching the sunrise with a small group from base. In that moment Jesus was restoring unto me the joy of my salvation, the sweetness of his redemption for my life, and his dedication to my heart. Oh he is good. He is so good to me. I feel like I am meeting him for the first time all over again. I am discovering new things, new wonders about my Father. And I love that its happening here of all places. A place where people go and talk about how dark it is. Well yes, so lets turn the light on! Lets get filled up so we can shine out! ......That is another story for another day.

Anyways, I am doing great. Your emails, care packages, messages all go hand in hand in my success here. You just dont know how some days that one short email was enough to help me get through that moment, overcome that thought. So thank you for supporting me and sending me food. People are starting to catch on here that I LOVE food.

I will try to blog more consistently in the future and I have tons of pictures to post, so those will go up "soon". I will be stateside in 19 days from today and I am thrilled! I cant wait to see all of you and eat things!

I am cream crackered so off to bed I go! Nighty night.

im alive

Everyone seems to be under the same impression that when I dont blog I must be dead. I am happy to dissolve any worries you might have. I am alive today. And well. Since I dont like pretending I'll just be honest. I have been struggling. I am not homesick, I'm not missing my favorite foods or wishing I could get a pedicure. For some reason I just forgot a lot of things lately. I forgot who I was, what Jesus said about me, about my purpose and about my victory. For the first time I wanted to give up. I sat in church on sunday and just thought to myself what if I didnt do this....what if I just finished my 5 months here, hung out at base, did my "job", then came home and was a wedding planner. I could marry a guy who believed in Jesus, plan weddings all day and be comfortable. I wouldnt have to worry about people who dont know Jesus because I know him so I'll just reserve my seat in heaven and that be that. 5 seconds later I knew I would never do that but still. It seemed enticing in the moment. Even though I know I'm not going to do that, the temptation is still there to be in Haiti and not be obedient. Let me just say that moving to Haiti was step one in obedience. I still have to choose each day to obey God or not. You may not believe me but you can come to Haiti, fall into a routine and be comfortable. Its true. You stay at base, you eat your food each day, go to your job, hang out with your friends and not worry about the people on the other side of your fence. It happens every day and its easy to do. I know because I've been doing it. Not a lot, and not everyday but some. Some days you just want to check out and pretend like all this hurting, all this suffering does not exist. The other night I was coming back from a community event in another city and we were in quite the scary situation. I was nervous and I could tell others in my car were too so I just started praying and didnt stop until we were home. In that moment I decided something. If I am going to live here, some days risk my safety, every day sacrifice my comfort and desires, I am going to obey God. I didnt fly 5 hours to say no, to not obey the holy spirit and not listen to what he wants me to do. Lets be honest, I could do that in the states while eating a cheeseburger and taking a hot shower. If Im going to disobey Him I might as well go home. Otherwise Im wasting my time.

In recent days I cannot believe the amount of encouragement I have gotten, from a few people here and from some friends back home. One friend in particular said something to me that stuck. "the holy spirit doesnt make it easy, it makes it possible." I have been sittng here for like 3 weeks now thinking that I am failing because its hard. Like it should be easy because I have the holy spirit and know the word. Reality check- sometimes things are going to be hard, and thats good for me. It doesnt make me a failure, it doesnt mean I dont know Jesus, it doesnt mean I'm missing it. I cant believe I forgot that, that I didnt realize I was doing what he wanted me to just by loving the people I am with daily. Its so true, so simple. As christians, especially when you are working in a ministry its so easy to get so consumed by ministry. Everywhere you go you feel like if youre not stopping to tell people about jesus then you arent doing your job. You forget that your life is supposed to be that ministry. that by being me, i am doing the work of God. thats why he asked me to come. thats why he asked you to work at verizon, or to work at SP or to....excuse me. I had to get up and kill another tarantula. even more evidence that i should just go home if im not in it to win it. i hate them. i have killed 5. be proud. they have all been babies but that works because i am a total baby. anyways, i dont know if all that made sense. it did in my head but somehow it doesnt always sounds the same on paper. i am feeling very encouraged today, God's grace is allowing me to see the truth. that i make a difference here, that i am able through him. that my time is not in vain and obedience means doing all things with love.

so there you go. i am alive, learning, and joyful. theres so much going on in my brain and it feels rather difficult to form a complete thought.  i miss you guys a lot but in 1 month from today i will be on american soil stuffing my face with all things wonderful. ok. time to go. someone has covered their face entirely with green chalk and is wearing my sunglasses. one of those moments where its just to cute to do anything but laugh and maybe make him wash it off.

i hope you all have a great day. thanks for being my friends and for reading my blog.

mini update

just a mini update here. friday after i finished writing my latest post, instead of making my flourless chocolate torte, i got the stomach virus. yay. i spent friday night and saturday being sick. and let me just say without going into too much detail, when you are sick, and your bathroom is a minute walk away, bad things happen. there were many times i didnt make it and was found throwing up behind a palm tree by one of the security guards. oh me. it is what it is. i am feeling much better today, hungry more than anything.

thats about all i have for now. the video i wanted to show you wont load.i will probably try again later. for now i will be resting, doing laundry, and for the 4th time this morning, trying to kill a line of ants that has made their way into my room.

3.14 = pumpkin pie

hello. long time no see. i havent been blogging much because, well, i didnt feel like it. blogging requires processing, analyzing and effort. some days, weeks, moments, i just dont want to do that. this was one of those weeks. so many wonderful things, nothing terrible but just overall difficult i guess. its hard to say why. i will be honest- i cried a lot. sometimes everything just hits you at once, and there is nothing you can do about it. i think its good, i dont have to speak the word over my heart everytime im sad. sometimes i can just let myself be sad and allow the Lord to come in and sort everything out with me. i think thats what is happening this week. sorting. because haiti is a lot. besides the physical challenges, you are always around hardship, unnecessary hardship. thats what upsets me. it doesnt have to be this way. but its that way, and people are suffering. its just a lot. not too much, but a lot. i know God is bigger than it, that I am able through him, for sure. I know this all for sure. but im supposed to be broken over what hurts him, right?

that was a ramble. long answer to why i havent blogged this week. i was busy being sad, and my all time favorite stress reliever- baking. I have baked so many things this week. Lets see, sunday it was over 350 peanut butter cookies from scratch. that one was an accident, i only meant to make 180. bad math on my part. things happen. monday i made a funfetti cake with icing- from scratch- for my friend nicole's 30th birthday. that was delish. tuesday i fell asleep before i could bake. thursday i took on the challenge of baking 174 cookies with 24 children. (we will talk about that one later- never again). and finally, yesterday, in honor of pie day- march 14 -3.14 i made pumpkin pie and homemade whipped cream. my friend Spence made pecan pie and just like that we had a pie off. he said it was a draw which i took to mean he was afraid a real vote would make me the winner. mine even looks prettier (minus the burn- our oven is...)

 

 

(fujo for the week: i got so excited when i found a can of pumpkin i was running in the kitchen slipped in some water, fell on my knees, cut my arm, and accidentally threw the can of pumpkin in the air where it landed on my head. i have 2 swollen bruised knees and a bruise behind me ear. fujo.) 

remember when i thought i was going to lose weight living in haiti? remember when i actually gained weight because i baked all the time? yikes. sometimes i wish my stress reliever was running or aerobics. unfortunately its baking and thats just that. what else can i do but pin things and make them? tonight i am making a flourless chocolate torte with almond whipped cream. and next week we have another birthday and that will of course require another cake of their choosing. i wish i could help all this, i really do but it is what it is. i choose to embrace it. the calories, the cakes, the butter, all of it.

so that was my week. baking, crying, working, repeat as needed. Jesus has been so great, its like all these things just help me see how good he is. like the way salt brings out the sweetness of vanilla in a cake.....i just see him everywhere. and on the days i cant, i just trust. its been hard. but its good. ive had to pray for things i never imagined needing prayer for, intercede for situations my mind just cant comprehend, things i was so unaware of before. and i will be honest. i have been scared. haiti is a different world. there is zero security. not in the police, in the government, in people. you have to trust in jesus. there is not if about it. i find myself looking at situations a lot and jesus says jess look at me. its hard. how many times can i say that in one blog? i'll say it again- its hard! BUT JESUS. sigh. i need to pray and then bake something.

here are the pics of the kids in the kitchen yesterday. oh me oh my. that was a feat.

 

 (merbisson.i could write a whole post on him)

 

 

my creole has improved a lot. i find myself not having to think before i speak all the time which is convenient. oh and i booked my ticket for R&R today. plane tickets are expensive.

none of that is what i intended on blogging about but its what happened when i started typing. i have lots of cute pictures and one video i think houston in particular will love. i will post those sometime this weekend.

miss you guys- thanks for the prayers! they work work work!

( here is a link to my friend nicole's blog. this excerpt is from when we went to various schools and taught english. check it out! http://robertandnicolehiggins.blogspot.com/2013/02/today-jessica-and-i-went-withpastor.html )

me gusta the weekend

today is a beautiful day. after a week of clouds (which I secretly enjoyed, less heat, more rain) the sun is shining bright. its hard to describe but I am really starting to feel at home here. dont get me wrong, i miss a different person each day but its getting easier, more familiar. i have fallen in love with every child at Greta, the kitchen ladies, and mangos for breakfast every morning. i love listening to the waves crash at night, driving through the hectic market on the way to work, playing with sweet sweet babies, coming home covered in glue and exhausted each day to a meal and coffee with some really great people. 

 

today a group of us left base and went to a pizza place in town. it was so good, and by that i mean it tasted familiar, like pizza. it was called Graditas or something like that, i dont know. we were the only ones in there plus the one guy working. it took over an hour for 3 pizzas lol. but they were worth it.

 

(there we are, eating pizza. thats me in the pink.)



 

Across from the pizza place was the main town vodoo temple. It was very big- looked like a building I would see in downtown Charlotte or something. It never stops being weird to see those. I pass 5 on the way to work each day and every day I just pray. Vodoo affects everyone here, even believers. It is crazy to me how it has been incorporated into most churches here, pastors who believe in it, people who go to church and then come home to perform a vodoo ceremony. This is why I say the church here needs prayer. But anyways, just so you get an idea of what we are around. I am not afraid, I know He is greater in me but its still weird and sad.

 

Change of subject- I moved into my hut last weekend! Its great! Here is what it looks like from the outside

 

 



The colors are my favorite. I love teal. and yellow. maybe not this yellow...but still. Its wonderfully tacky. The screen door should be getting put up sometime this week, hopefully.

 

You should see my view. I will take a picture tomorrow.

 

The government decided on Thursday that we would be officially observing daylight savings time so i will be staying in the same time zone with everyone. yay for losing an hour of sleep.

 

With that said, I am going to bed!